winglesskiki_0 (winglesskiki_0) wrote in ps_fuck_you,

Fuck life and all it has to bring

I've become someone I despise and along with that I've learned to hate and never forgive anyone. My heads stuck in the past and I feel that I have ran myself into the wall. I want to change for the better but I'm scared, if I do go back to being the old sweet and kind me what will happen if I have to suffer through abuse again? For now I'm in a fucked up state of mind and honestly being this way makes me me safer. Hating and bearing a grudge from the past is what I do best but sometimes I just want to let it all go and be free. I wished I would've lived a better life so I wouldn't have to deal with who I am now or any of the bullshit be4. I'm at a loss right now b/c I hate who I am and I don't know how to change and be satisfied with who I will become at the same time.
I'm tired and emotionally drained as well as scared,
I've lost all the courage,
I could ever muster up again,
I feel that I have no more strength to look up anymore,
I've lost my pride the only thing I thought I had going for me,
my pride was the one thing I had to keep me going,
now hearing that people don't like who I am be/c of what I've become,
it hurts b/c I never expected someone else to feel the same way I do,
I'm lost.
==========++++----> :3 it feels better to share it.....and it feels even better that I didn't add any fucked up jokes...unlike what I did in my journals.......its funny what I am dealing with now isn't as bad as it sounds to most people but guess what I am still tormented by the past...... <//3
*What else do I hate people who compare their problems with others and say how they're suffering more then anyone else will! But guess what?  That doesn't make anyone feel any better and does it make the situation any better? No is doesn't so shut the fuck up<====*
(ps:I wish I would've told the people that had rubbed it in my face that their problems are bigger and even more worse then mine in real life)

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